I Am Not Your Trophy Wife

July 23, 2018

 

" I am not your Trophy Wife" I said firmly to myself while walking up to the Delta Grand in Kelowna. 

 

It was late in the evening, 9 pm and the sun had begun to set. A warm summer breeze wash over me as I walked up with both hands holing bags, to the luxurious doors of Kelowna's finest hotel located along the water. 

Less than 1 hour earlier I had been cleaning up the kitchen from cooking a delicious 5 meat spaghetti bolognese in a prestigious condo building located in Mission. "Babe, are you done? It is almost bedtime." I hear called to me from the couch. We will refer to him as Mr. H to respect his privacy. I had been taking my time during clean up for my heart felt pulled in many directions. The view was stunning, Paxton was already falling asleep next to Mr. H and there was my spot right in his big arms just waiting for me yet I felt like running as fast in the opposite direction.

 

 

Mr. H and I had met just a week before while I was enjoying a macchiato at Kelowna's Marmalade Cat Cafe located off of Pandosy. This was my old place to visit daily after my morning flow at Moksha across the road. He was persistent ( as they always are ) and finally I had agreed to a coffee, in fact I've never felt more uncomfortable or less desirable! Just a day earlier you would have found me exhausted after all the wedding festivities from my best friend's wedding located in Vancouver. Due to uncommon stress my skin had decided to grow what I refer to as a volcano of all pimples in not one but two places on my face! These mini volcanos had an entity of their own which was my reasoning for my current appearance. There I sat, hair up in a tight bun that was being deep conditioned, ( hey a girls gotta self care ) with the darkest pair of Ray Ban sunglasses I could find to hide me away from the world. My outfit was head to toe in black Nike sports wear on a warm day and I was in fact missing a bra. What a picture of perfection yet I decided to meet with Mr. H that morning. 

We met and instantly had a connection of fluid conversation and attraction which had made leaving hard. After a few days of talking and face-timing he sent me a message one evening saying my flight to Kelowna was booked for the coming Saturday. He was after all a man who knew what he desired and that desire was me. 

 

That weekend I had a glimpse of what life married to Mr. H would be like...

 

He was hard working and earned where he is in life today so why wouldn't he want perfection? He knows what he wants in a woman and how he runs his household. 

Here is this condo that would most likely be turned into a home I would become his house wife and live to be there for him. In those few short days I felt like I was losing myself and drowning in him and his schedule from sleep patterns to work outs. 

Is this what I have worked countless hours for, spent sleepless nights studying and designing meal plans or trained on broken toes for? To throw it all away and live for a man who I felt I would never be perfect enough for? Who did not want to know about me but wanted to only talk of himself? Who loved things quiet and pretty. Day two a panic attack hit me like a sharp elbow to my face as I was running along the water. That run was my only time to be myself. That run was the only time I had to not have to be perfect. Yes I believe in keeping a house spotless and clean for that is how efficiency is inspired and enforced but here within the walls I felt as if every step could be a dirty foot print that would be shamed amongst numerous other things. 

 

Over the years men of power, of wealth and of persistence have always been in pursuit for reasons that still escape me. I am showered with diamonds, trips,  flowers and gifts sent continuously and am always treated like a fragile gift. As we walk the lake shores they have me hold onto their arms for protection saying " Don't worry I'll protect you." To me this is a puzzle for a swift kick from years of ballet mixed with boxing and I could easily take someone down.

 

It could be my exotic appearance, my drive and passion in health or my energy to love everyone who I stumble upon in this journey called life. Always standing in my own power... many see it as a chase or pursuit to win. I am by no means your trophy wife.

 

This is what numerous women dream of but it was and is not my dream......

 

More and more we are seeing a change and shift in society which makes me proud to be a woman. The idea of  "Trophy Wife" is becoming unwanted where young girls are making their own way. Women are now staying single going into their 30's and finding partners to share a balanced life with. Women today are raising The Future and showing their little girls to be strong, confident and have dreams as big as they can make up. 

 

This is simply the memoirs I have chosen to share, an experience I find myself in continuously which gives me that much more desire to push through life as a woman of power. 

 

I repeat: I AM NOT YOUR TROPHY WIFE

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